So I have some random thoughts going through my mind lately. Probably because I have friends dealing with some very stressful situations in their step families. And because I have been there from time to time in my own.
So, what if you have a bio-child or teenager who has made some choices that lead them down a path that wreaks havoc in their life and causes stress and concern in your family? What is the feeling on this when it is your own child? Well, concern for their well-being of course, you love them and care about them and you want what is best for them. And I'm sure it can feel like craziness in your household and family for a long time. You'll always be there for them, because you have unconditional love for them. You do your best to help them while they still are given their free agency.
And why should the feelings be any different within a step/blended family? I believe that it may be a common thought amongst those outside of the step or blended family. Though I have thought about these questions myself. I feel that if the stepchild and family itself, a long with BM have a good solid foundation of mutual respect - then yes, I believe that the feelings above would be the same or similar.
I believe and feel that it is
much harder to go through crappy life decisions upon your stepchild's life simply because there is extra drama that is thrown in along with the already bad decisions they have made to wreak havoc on their own life and the lives of those around them. The drama that already exists within the step/blended family such as between BM and her struggles with her child having a stepmom, issues with step /blended family or the power issues and other issues that she continues to have towards her ex, the loyalty issues that no matter how good things are within the step/blended family - the stepchild will stomp all over you (stepmom) just so they never look bad in the eyes of their own bio-mother, and so on makes for a more intensified situation of stress, concern, and more stress than you can even imagine. That extra drama plus many other issues that I haven't even touched on consists of cracks in the foundation, cracks that never could be filled because the lack of mutual respect can't create a strong foundation.
We have also already established that the bond between bio-child and stepchild is completely different. If you haven't read about this, I'll just touch on it briefly - the moment you find out you are pregnant you start bonding with your bio-child and or adopted child. Each stepmom comes into a stepchild's life at different times of their life - the bond never started from the womb or from birth or if older in adoption situations from a mutual understanding of the amazing bonds through adoption. The idea of everything just meshing together with unconditional love is unrealistic and sometimes never occurs because of the very drama that occurs in many step/blended families. So, the feelings if your stepchild makes decisions that wreak havoc in their life and your family are more intensified and more negatively felt because of the history involved. The feelings are different.
You try being a stepmom in these situations and see how it makes you feel. Children and especially teenagers are hard anyway; step-teenagers, step-children with the added drama is by far harder and the feelings are not the same as it would be for your own bio-child going through similar bad choices, minus the step/blended family drama. The love is different, the caring is different, and so on.
